Just Because It’s One

To people I’ve seen questioning Anthony Rapp’s story (you have every right to question but here’s what I’ve seen as your points):

1. Apparently because there is only him talking about what happened and not a slew of people like Weinstein that makes it less plausible? Makes it less important?

2. Also there actually are more people than just him who have Spacey stories of their own. Not hard to find.

3. If your argument is that because it’s only one person coming forward that he’s more likely lying I’ll say this, from the research I’ve done only 2-4% of people who come forward about sexual violence incidents are lying. Just 2-4% so frankly I’m tired of seeing that as people’s go to response to this kind of thing.

I’ve known too many people who have been sexually abused or assaulted just for people to say they are lying or they are misremembering. People around the accused have made too many bullshit excuses trying to justify what happened. So forgive me if my initial response is to believe the person coming forward about the abuse/assault.

Continuing on I’ve seen a couple people say that the justice system is the only one that should have a say in this matter. They say let’s let them handle the situation. Here’s what I say to that: clearly you have not seen how the justice system treats victims of abuse personally. But I have. My friend went to the police about being sexually abused as a child. They had an investigation, great right? Wrong. Want to know what the investigation consisted of??? One talk. One talk with the accused. How in the fuck does that count as an investigation. Maybe you are saying to yourself, well if there was no proof…but let me direct you to the Brock Turner case. I’m guessing everyone is at least slightly familiar with the case but let me refresh your memory. There were witnesses, evidence. Yet he was only sentenced to 6 months prison time instead of the 10 years he should have been. Because he is a star athlete and he was drunk which is apparently a valid excuse for assaulting someone. Did I mention she also got victim blamed because she was drunk. So what’s her fault is his excuse. Makes sense. That case is just one example. Bottom line is this, the justice system that is currently in place favours the accused, especially in a situation that is older. They have the victim recite time after time what happened to them, yet are satisfied with the accused saying they didn’t do it. And that’s it. So ya I’m annoyed when people use this line of letting the justice system handle it. I’m sure many survivors of abuse would be more than happy to tell you how wrong you are and how well the justice system treated them.

Here is a link to an article on how even after the case is taken to court the system still stacks up against victims putting them through even more hell.

How The Justice System Fails Victims Of Child Abuse

“We [in society] generally don’t second-guess people who say that they were burglarized or say that their car was stolen or who say that they were assaulted, but we absolutely second-guess people that claim that they were sexually assaulted,” former special victims prosecutor Roger Canaff told Rewire in a phone interview. “We either are skeptical of the truth of the allegation or we look to blame that person.”

“[Victims] may fear skepticism and abuse from police, prosecutors, or juries; they may not want to go through the ordeal of a long trial; they may fear retaliation from their assailant, who will most likely not end up prosecuted, let alone convicted; and they may be hesitant to send their assailants to prison. But even survivors who do report to the police are often abandoned by the system.”

Rewire News- Victims Failed By Criminal Justice System

It’s Ok.

I’ve written 4 possible posts for today so far (well one was written in my head but it counts.) And I can’t seem to get my thoughts together to form a flowing cohesiveness. It’s just not happening. But here’s the gist of it all…it’s ok if you don’t use your voice all the time, if you’re tired. It’s ok if you need a break, if you need distance. It’s ok to let yourself just breathe. It’s ok if keeping up to date on everything that’s happening is too overwhelming so you don’t read as much. It’s ok to give yourself the love and care you need to help you be in a better mental place. You don’t need to justify or apologize for self-care. To anyone. It’s ok if you are only now coming to realizations you probably should have years ago. It’s ok to give yourself time and grace and value. It’s ok.

Cheers,
Olivia xo

Music & Lyrics

New music appreciation blog post series.

Welcome to my first Music & Lyrics post. This is where I’ll be sharing a song that is speaking to me at the moment, or has had an impact on me in the past. Basically music appreciation and wonder at how other people have somehow glimpsed into your brain. Here I’ll share the lyrics as well and italicize some that have specifically stood out to me. I hope you enjoy!

Cheers xo

Why did you leave me here to burn?
I’m way too young to be this hurt
I feel doomed in hotel rooms
Staring straight up at the wall
Counting wounds and I am tryin’ to numb them all

Do you care, do you care?
Why don’t you care?
I gave you all of me
My blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears
Why don’t you care, why don’t you care?
I was there, I was there, when no one was
Now you’re gone and I’m here

I have questions for you
Number one, tell me who you think you are?
You’ve got some nerve tryin’ to tear my faith apart
(I have questions for you)
Number two, why would you try and play me for a fool?
I should have never, ever, ever trusted you
(I have questions)
Number three, why weren’t you, who you swore that you would be?
I have questions, I’ve got questions haunting me
I have questions for you
I have questions for you (I have questions)
I have questions for you

My, my name was safest in your mouth
And why’d you have to go and spit it out?
Oh, your voice, it was the most familiar sound
But it sounds so dangerous to me now

I have questions for you
Number one, tell me who you think you are?
You’ve got some nerve tryin’ to tear my faith apart
(I have questions for you)
Number two, why would you try and play me for a fool?
I should have never, ever, ever trusted you
I have questions for you
I have questions for you
I have questions for you (I have questions)
I have questions for you

Do you care, do you care?
Why don’t you care?
I gave you all of me
My blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears
Why don’t you care, why don’t you care?
I was there, I was there, when no one was
Now you’re gone and I’m here

I have questions for you, ooh
I have questions for you
I have questions for you (I have questions)
I have questions for you (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I have questions for you, ooh
I have questions for you (fair play, no, fair play, no)
I have questions for you (I have questions)
I have questions for you
I have questions for you

How do I fix it? Can we talk? Can we communicate? Can we talk? Do I wanna fix it?
I have questions for you (I’m afraid of you)
Is it my fault? Is it my fault? Do you miss me?
I have questions

Fire seems to be our element
It’s beautiful and alluring
Drawing me in
Showing flames in my eyes
Making me fall in love
With the danger
But it’s destructive
It kills the insides
Burns them to bits
It makes it hard to live
But I’m mesmerized All I can do
Is keep on towards
The burning light
And walk right through

.olivia.irene.


Some days you just can’t fathom how you could love someone so much, and them continue to treat you badly. For you to care an insane amount, and for them to push you away constantly. For you to give them your heart, only for them to repeatedly crush it in their bare hands. You’d think when you exert that level of thought and energy and love towards someone they’d do the same for you, but they don’t, and they’ve shown you that they won’t, time after time. Yet you continue on that path in hopes that things will change. And some days I think maybe the reason they don’t is because they don’t have the capacity to love me. Not to the same depth as I love them. And that’s a hard truth to face but the sooner I come to terms with that the better quality of life I will be able to live. I have to cut out toxicity from my life, it’s just that this one is deeply ingrained, and it feels like carving out a piece of me.  

To Manchester With Love 

As I’m sure all of you know, there was a terrorist attack in Manchester, UK following an Ariana Grande concert. There were at least 22 killed from it and around 59 injured. This is heartbreaking to say the least.

I just wanted to say a couple things. The first being that this terrorist act was on a female singer whose majority of fans are also female, a lot of them young. I think this is a fact not lost on a lot of us. It makes me sick to think about how all these young people were deliberately attacked. My heart is aching for the families and friends who are all affected by this and the city of Manchester as a whole. All the people who went who survived this attack are now scarred, and no doubt some of them are experiencing survivor’s guilt. Which brings me to talk about Ariana. Putting myself in her shoes, I know I would blame myself. Even though rationally I would know that the blame lies elsewhere. I’m guessing this is exactly how she’s feeling right now; responsible. To have something that is meant to be so enjoyable as a concert get completely destroyed in a hateful attack is devastating for all involved. I can only imagine the emotional toll it must be having on her, the fact that all those people were gathered there to see her and then this happened.

It’s times like these where I wish I could do something to help, but I don’t know what that would be. I can say my heart and thoughts are with them because that’s true, I just don’t know what good that does. I suppose showing solidarity and support even if it’s nothing tangible is a good start, so that’s what I’ll do. I’m so sorry that this happened. I’m so sorry that attacks like this happen much too often, and I know there are ones that we don’t hear about because they happen in countries that the media doesn’t seem to care as much about. I’m sorry for the state of the world right now. I wish there was more I could say or do. Something that could make things better. But for right now what I can do is continue to send my love and thoughts out and hope the people of Manchester and all those affected can feel it at least a little.

Love to all xo

Beauty & The Beast

I wrote a little bit about this film when I first saw it in April. I’ve shared it on my acting Facebook page but I thought I’d go ahead and share it here as well.

April 2nd I saw Beauty & the Beast and it stirred up a lot of emotions, for a couple reasons. The first being, the animated Disney film was a big part of childhood so it felt like a very nostalgic film. Belle is one of my favourite Disney princesses, and Emma Watson was the perfect choice to play her! The second reason was because when I watched it I felt this overwhelming feeling, saying “This. This is why I want to be an actor. This is why I love it. This is why I want to be in the film industry.” It was just this huge reminder of how much I love acting and movies.

Lately it’s felt like my pursuit of this has been put on pause, but I don’t want that anymore. I want to keep moving forward. It’s frustrating when agencies don’t respond though, and it makes me feel like I’m at a dead end, and I hate that feeling. So little by little I’m going to keep pushing forward. Even if it’s just working on monologues for now.

I read a quote recently, that I’m about to butcher, “keep knocking until they have no choice but to open the door”. (I cannot remember who said it or the exact quote word for word, so if you know it let me know) But the person who said this was in fact talking about acting, and I think going after your dreams and passions in general. It’s a good one to have in the back of your head to help you going.

I have more to say about the film and the impact it had on me, but, at least for now, this is all I’ll write.

You should all go grab a copy of the soundtrack that is out, and pick up the movie on June 6th.

Cheers xo