Happy Halloween 🎃

I’m walking down
The haunted hallways
The old wooden floor
Creaking under every footstep
The house filled with all
My worst nightmares
Portraits on the wall
Following me with their eyes
Around each corner
A new fear jumps out at me
Ones I didn’t even know
Existed in my mind
Shadowy figures looming ahead
But can only move forward
As the way I came
Closes behind me
The walls seal together
Forcing me on
My heart pounding in my ears
I feel drunk stumbling through
The slanted halls
Yet I haven’t had a drop
Everything clear and a haze
All at once
Thinking each new fright
I encounter
Will be my last
So many moments I curl up
In a corner and shake
Cry from fear
Frozen to go any further
But I make it back up each time
Still on wobbly legs
Sometimes only able to crawl
Grasping at the slippery walls
To steady myself
This labyrinthine house
Going on forever and ever
Thinking there will never be an end
To this madness
Is there an end to this madness
I need an end to this madness
I think I’ve gone mad



Just Because It’s One

To people I’ve seen questioning Anthony Rapp’s story (you have every right to question but here’s what I’ve seen as your points):

1. Apparently because there is only him talking about what happened and not a slew of people like Weinstein that makes it less plausible? Makes it less important?

2. Also there actually are more people than just him who have Spacey stories of their own. Not hard to find.

3. If your argument is that because it’s only one person coming forward that he’s more likely lying I’ll say this, from the research I’ve done only 2-4% of people who come forward about sexual violence incidents are lying. Just 2-4% so frankly I’m tired of seeing that as people’s go to response to this kind of thing.

I’ve known too many people who have been sexually abused or assaulted just for people to say they are lying or they are misremembering. People around the accused have made too many bullshit excuses trying to justify what happened. So forgive me if my initial response is to believe the person coming forward about the abuse/assault.

Continuing on I’ve seen a couple people say that the justice system is the only one that should have a say in this matter. They say let’s let them handle the situation. Here’s what I say to that: clearly you have not seen how the justice system treats victims of abuse personally. But I have. My friend went to the police about being sexually abused as a child. They had an investigation, great right? Wrong. Want to know what the investigation consisted of??? One talk. One talk with the accused. How in the fuck does that count as an investigation. Maybe you are saying to yourself, well if there was no proof…but let me direct you to the Brock Turner case. I’m guessing everyone is at least slightly familiar with the case but let me refresh your memory. There were witnesses, evidence. Yet he was only sentenced to 6 months prison time instead of the 10 years he should have been. Because he is a star athlete and he was drunk which is apparently a valid excuse for assaulting someone. Did I mention she also got victim blamed because she was drunk. So what’s her fault is his excuse. Makes sense. That case is just one example. Bottom line is this, the justice system that is currently in place favours the accused, especially in a situation that is older. They have the victim recite time after time what happened to them, yet are satisfied with the accused saying they didn’t do it. And that’s it. So ya I’m annoyed when people use this line of letting the justice system handle it. I’m sure many survivors of abuse would be more than happy to tell you how wrong you are and how well the justice system treated them.

Here is a link to an article on how even after the case is taken to court the system still stacks up against victims putting them through even more hell.

How The Justice System Fails Victims Of Child Abuse

“We [in society] generally don’t second-guess people who say that they were burglarized or say that their car was stolen or who say that they were assaulted, but we absolutely second-guess people that claim that they were sexually assaulted,” former special victims prosecutor Roger Canaff told Rewire in a phone interview. “We either are skeptical of the truth of the allegation or we look to blame that person.”

“[Victims] may fear skepticism and abuse from police, prosecutors, or juries; they may not want to go through the ordeal of a long trial; they may fear retaliation from their assailant, who will most likely not end up prosecuted, let alone convicted; and they may be hesitant to send their assailants to prison. But even survivors who do report to the police are often abandoned by the system.”

Rewire News- Victims Failed By Criminal Justice System

It’s Ok.

I’ve written 4 possible posts for today so far (well one was written in my head but it counts.) And I can’t seem to get my thoughts together to form a flowing cohesiveness. It’s just not happening. But here’s the gist of it all…it’s ok if you don’t use your voice all the time, if you’re tired. It’s ok if you need a break, if you need distance. It’s ok to let yourself just breathe. It’s ok if keeping up to date on everything that’s happening is too overwhelming so you don’t read as much. It’s ok to give yourself the love and care you need to help you be in a better mental place. You don’t need to justify or apologize for self-care. To anyone. It’s ok if you are only now coming to realizations you probably should have years ago. It’s ok to give yourself time and grace and value. It’s ok.

Olivia xo

I miss you everyday 🖤 England.

morning dew on the leaves
of the most fragrant
delicate white flowers
they seem to smell most beautiful
right at dawn
the aroma of last night’s rain
still hovering in the air
a light fog settling over the fields
songbirds singing
their early morning melodies
making me feel right at home
in the distance
a cottontail bunny hopping off
into the brush
a heron standing at the edge
of the pond
blue, white, and grey
so close I could reach out
and touch
graceful and magnificent
I can’t help but want to stay
in this moment forever